Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
