D3 body, D1 cock
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
