I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have already put on my inside pants.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
