hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
