Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
