I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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