You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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