There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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