Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
