And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
