she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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