I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
