how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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