sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
