There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize