we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I die, sorry about rent.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
