4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
