I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
