walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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