Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
