Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
