At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You can't motorboat a personality
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
