the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
