I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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