No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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