booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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