I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
