I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
