That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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