I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
