just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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