She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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