we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
