Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
