you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
