ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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