We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
