You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize