I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
