2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
