My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
