If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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