Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
