That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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