smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
