You made me cry and you don't even care
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
