i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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