you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
