Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
