Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
