I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
