I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
