So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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