Life is so much better after having sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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