Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
