I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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