You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
