cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
