You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
