he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
