Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
